August 25, 2018

When Fear Knocks

Last month I turned 60. Yes, I am sixty years old. I am still trying to get used to that number!

I stopped coloring my hair early 2017 so this is my all natural look now. I even have a brand new headshot photo which was done for my book – so here I am at 60 with some strange mix of sandy gray hair.

Turning 60 has been a big deal to me as much as I try to make it not be. But there is a reason it affects me in a very deep way. Both of my sisters, Ann and Donna, died at the age of 61 and 62 in 2009 and 2013. One had cancer and the other died in a car wreck with her husband.

Not long after Donna and Dewayne’s deaths in 2013, I began to experience fear that something bad was going to happen to me.

Not because there was a genuine threat, but because I succumbed to worry.

I began to hear irrational thoughts in the far recesses of my mind growing louder day by day. Is something bad going to happen to me? Am I going to die young?

There it was—fear, gnawing away at my peace, robbing me of my joy, and trying to take up residence in my life. Ultimately, I know my life is in God’s hands and I know my sisters and brother-in-law are with the Lord. God did a great work of healing in my life to move me beyond grief. But the reality of their lives suddenly cut short was causing me these anxious fearful thoughts.

There are so many things that can cause us fear. Even Job said, For the thing I greatly feared has come upon me, and what I dreaded has happened to me.” Job 3:25

God has encouraging words for us about fear in 2 Timothy. These are words I take to heart and words that help me do battle when the fearful thoughts descend upon me.

For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7

Fear, when you knock at my door, I am not going to answer anymore.

I am making a choice with power and love and a sound mind – I will not be ruled by fear.