August 22, 2018

Standing in the Deep Unknown

This week I wrapped up the writing of my dedication page, acknowledgments, author bio, and back cover copy. Every word, every paragraph, every page of the manuscript is now edited, formatted, and ready for print.

While I consider what happens next, the lyrics to the song Oceans (Hillsong United) have resonated with me as I approach the release of First Breath of Morning.

You call me out upon the waters, the great unknown, where feet may fail.

My feet sometimes feel like lead blocks of fear and not brave at all. I am standing in the deep unknown every day wondering what God will do with this book.

I was talking to my husband about how many books will sell, not that sales are my focus, but it crosses my mind and naturally, causes me some anxiety. I threw out a modest number I thought was a realistic possibility and he turned around and threw out a much larger number and my anxiety level cranked up multiple notches. Without thinking twice he assuredly believed this book will do better than I think it will do.

On one hand I was humbled he has such great expectations for the book, and on the other hand I could only think he is completely wrong in thinking it will do that well. Then my worries turned to fear I will disappoint him.

I have a journal where I have tracked my writing journey. I also have a chronological timeline which documents the long list of rejections in response to queries and proposals to publishers and queries and proposals to agents, and now, today I stand in the deep unknown waiting to see what God will do with a devotional book He has blessed to be published and soon will be released into the world.

I don’t know how many books will sell. I do know who made this all possible and I know this journey God has walked me through was one that strengthened my faith. When fear begins to overwhelm me like deep waters around me, I will cling to this faith on which I stand.

And there I find You in the mystery, in oceans deep my faith will stand.